Making Lists and TMI

For me, making lists, or creating games, or generating ideas of things to do (dares and such)… these are all cathartic, fun, interesting, and potentially arousing. These activities keep my mind active, pass the time at work (and sometimes distract me from actually earning my keep), and plant the seeds of real horniness. The question then becomes, will those seeds grow?

These things are double-edged swords. When Dee’s responses are stimulating or arousing, it can be a lot of fun for me. When she surprises me, and responds in a way that is interesting, or far more delicious than I could have anticipated, it can practically make my day. However, when Dee’s responses seem canned, lame, or hurriedly created, the effects can be entirely the opposite.

To use a fictitious example: Let’s say that, on Monday morning, I ask Dee to give me her favorite sex positions by 8am on Friday. From that point forward I’ll spend the intervening time awaiting and anticipating her response, wondering what will end up on the list. Based on past performance, one of two things will then occur…

Option one: Dee seems to be into the activity. Her behavior is more sexual, a little more energetic. There’s an extra hop in her step. Her mind is clearly working – on Monday night she rolled over in bed to make notes, little reminders of things she wants to add to that list. On Tuesday, she emails me links to websites describing/illustrating 1001 possible positions. By Wednesday, I’ve already got my response, which begins with: 1. I like it when you climb on top of me, use your weight to pin me in place, and then pound it into me while telling me how much you like fucking me…

You can see why I’d be playing the game. And very turned on.

Option two: Dee doesn’t seem interested in the activity. It’s already Wednesday, and she hasn’t so much as mentioned it, and there’s no pepped up sexuality or energy. I remind her of the obligation (which I hate doing), and am told she’s noodling on it, but I can already tell this one isn’t going to be all that fun for me. At 7:56am Friday morning, a list appears in my email inbox that says: 1. Missionary. 2. Doggie. 3. Me on top...

You can see how I’d be disappointed. Somewhat frustrated. Not aroused.

So, I just keep trying. But it’s hit-or-miss.

Now… TMI!

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?

Too many of them. And I really don’t want to live my Dad’s life.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?

There are far too many to list here. But at least she got mostly the good ones. There are some outliers there however, and I haven’t the faintest clue where those came from.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?

My dad sat down with me and, in a very uncomfortable manner, gave me what amounted to the Christian-school-science-teacher lecture (which he was) on how things are supposed to work, sticking to the anatomical and physical facts: Excitement causes erection via blood flow and vascular constriction. Penis goes in there. Sperm and egg meet, and there’s a baby. Wait for marriage. I learned more from the rumors and dirty jokes I heard at school.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?

In the third grade or so it was the Hardy Boys series. Before that… Where the Wild Things Are, maybe?

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?

Don’t have one. I’ve read very little erotica, and none of it has impressed me much.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?

Invest everything you can scrape together in MircoSoft stock, sell it all when you turn 30, and retire!

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?

Much Ado About Nothing.