(a) Name a word or phrase that turns you on when you hear it (no matter who says it). Suck cock.
(b) Name a word or phrase that turns you on when you say it (no matter who you say it to). Panties. There's something so sexy about the word.
(c) Name a word or phrase you don’t usually like, but which does (or would) turn you on when I say it. Pussy. Though I really do dislike the word, especially saying it. But it does turn me on.
(d) Name a word or phrase you don’t usually like, but which does (or would) turn you on when you say it to me. Ass (as in smack my ass, grab my ass, fuck my ass).
Note from DH: To avoid piling up posts here, I have posted my responses to the same question on my other blog... My Sex-List Life.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Quick TMI
1. Have you ever sent or received a sext message?
Not really. Dee and I have sent some somewhat naughty text messages back and forth over the past couple years, but I wouldn’t actually consider it sexting.
Nope, though I think we should!
2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?
I have been both the “caller” and the “called.” Being the “caller” left me feeling like a user and a loser. Being the “called” was actually quite the ego boost, but it's only happened a couple of times in my life.
I don't think I have ever made or received a booty call. I am more of a relationship person.
3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
Nope.
I have! Only one or two Wikipedia entries, and one was just grammar and punctuation corrections, but still!
4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
Sixteen. But it wasn’t really all that in the impressive department. In fact, looking back, it’s downright depressing what a sad, fumbling yutz I was.
I will say 12. There was activity before then, but really the first time I was ready and willing and actually did the deed I was 12.
5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
Five years, maybe? I really don’t know. I know who that partner would be, and I know she was older than I, but since I never knew her exact age, I can only guess.
Seven years, I was 14, he was 21 (I know, right?!), though I don't know that you can call him a consensual sexual partner since he was so big he didn't fit.
Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?
I think I’ve answered that one repeatedly over any number of previous posts. :)
Because my husband asked me to!
Not really. Dee and I have sent some somewhat naughty text messages back and forth over the past couple years, but I wouldn’t actually consider it sexting.
Nope, though I think we should!
2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?
I have been both the “caller” and the “called.” Being the “caller” left me feeling like a user and a loser. Being the “called” was actually quite the ego boost, but it's only happened a couple of times in my life.
I don't think I have ever made or received a booty call. I am more of a relationship person.
3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
Nope.
I have! Only one or two Wikipedia entries, and one was just grammar and punctuation corrections, but still!
4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
Sixteen. But it wasn’t really all that in the impressive department. In fact, looking back, it’s downright depressing what a sad, fumbling yutz I was.
I will say 12. There was activity before then, but really the first time I was ready and willing and actually did the deed I was 12.
5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
Five years, maybe? I really don’t know. I know who that partner would be, and I know she was older than I, but since I never knew her exact age, I can only guess.
Seven years, I was 14, he was 21 (I know, right?!), though I don't know that you can call him a consensual sexual partner since he was so big he didn't fit.
Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?
I think I’ve answered that one repeatedly over any number of previous posts. :)
Because my husband asked me to!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Any number of Random thoughts
1. In terms of this whole posting on the blog thing, Dee and I discussed it a bit over the weekend, and I can see her point – I have been “nagging” her somewhat. The trouble is, she has asked me to make these types of demands upon her and then hold her accountable when necessary, so I find I’m having a hard time threading the needle between accountability and nagging. It's a tough shot. However, I have agreed to try to be less nagging and more supportive.
2. On that same front, I do want to point out that I have, on numerous occasions, offered assistance in the idea-generating department… everything from posting questions for Dee to answer (TMI style), to offering to submit suggestions for specific “Top Ten (or Top Five)” lists I would be interested in seeing her post (such as her top five favorite sexual positions, etc.). But I have learned that simply giving what amounts to “assignments” doesn’t work, so while I’ve been making these offers, I’ve been waiting for an actual request from Dee before delivering. I did, however, email her four short questions that she’s promised to answer and (I think) post here.
3. I’ve posted on this topic before, but there is a seriously significant chasm between what I sometimes find myself thinking, and what actions I’m actually comfortable taking, and it is unmercifully frustrating. This weekend there were a couple moments when I was seriously right on the edge of something (depending on the moment, either pulling down Dee’s waistband, grabbing her hips, and doing her from behind right then and there, or unzipping and begging for a blowjob, or whatever)… but I just can’t act on these thoughts. Never mind that Dee wants me to make such demands and act in these manners, and would welcome the change in behavior… it just feels wrong to do so.
4. On the other hand (and this is just for Dee) – I finally realized I can describe the feeling perfectly! Dee: It’s the same thing you feel at the end of the party, when everyone says hey, it’s not a problem, go home… and you just CAN’T without helping with the cleanup first because leaving the mess behind feels… wrong.
5. Work-wise, the light at the end of the tunnel is still somewhat in the distance, but I think I’m going to try a more balanced approach here… post regularly, but less wordy, more listy. Like this post. :)
6. I see that, after weeks of completely uninteresting CL ads, last week, while I was ignoring everything non-work, there were a few I would have actually forwarded on to Dee for her opinion on. Such is life, I guess.
2. On that same front, I do want to point out that I have, on numerous occasions, offered assistance in the idea-generating department… everything from posting questions for Dee to answer (TMI style), to offering to submit suggestions for specific “Top Ten (or Top Five)” lists I would be interested in seeing her post (such as her top five favorite sexual positions, etc.). But I have learned that simply giving what amounts to “assignments” doesn’t work, so while I’ve been making these offers, I’ve been waiting for an actual request from Dee before delivering. I did, however, email her four short questions that she’s promised to answer and (I think) post here.
3. I’ve posted on this topic before, but there is a seriously significant chasm between what I sometimes find myself thinking, and what actions I’m actually comfortable taking, and it is unmercifully frustrating. This weekend there were a couple moments when I was seriously right on the edge of something (depending on the moment, either pulling down Dee’s waistband, grabbing her hips, and doing her from behind right then and there, or unzipping and begging for a blowjob, or whatever)… but I just can’t act on these thoughts. Never mind that Dee wants me to make such demands and act in these manners, and would welcome the change in behavior… it just feels wrong to do so.
4. On the other hand (and this is just for Dee) – I finally realized I can describe the feeling perfectly! Dee: It’s the same thing you feel at the end of the party, when everyone says hey, it’s not a problem, go home… and you just CAN’T without helping with the cleanup first because leaving the mess behind feels… wrong.
5. Work-wise, the light at the end of the tunnel is still somewhat in the distance, but I think I’m going to try a more balanced approach here… post regularly, but less wordy, more listy. Like this post. :)
6. I see that, after weeks of completely uninteresting CL ads, last week, while I was ignoring everything non-work, there were a few I would have actually forwarded on to Dee for her opinion on. Such is life, I guess.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Busy Backsliding
I have three "lists" of things that I have to get done in a workday: First, there is the stuff in my inbox, which, when I arrive in the morning, is all the stuff that was put there after I left (I leave at 3:30, while others in the office are here as late as 6pm) and all the faxes that have come in from the east coast time zones before I got here. Then there is the stuff on today's task list in Outlook, which is where I schedule reminders for those things that I have to do on a later date – every day there’s a number of previously entered reminders I need to address. And, finally, there is a notepad on my desk, where I make a note of anything that comes up during the day (voice messages to be returned, things others ask me to do, etc.).
Every day, the first thing I have been doing is to write the same things on my notepad: B1 (blog one), B2 (blog two), BOH (Broadening Our Horizons), FB (facebook), and RDR (Google reader). As the day goes along, in addition to all the actual work related stuff I need to see to, I have also tried hard to post to all my blogs, keep up to date on whats in the Reader, update my Facebook status… (you get the idea).
Dee says I’m a writer, but that’s not really true anymore. It's been like 3 or 4 years now since I last bothered looking at a manuscript, and there's only been a couple of dabblings in short stories that all quickly fizzled since then. In truth, the main reason I have tried to post every day isn't that I like to write, but because Dee specifically said she really enjoy reading something new every day that I've written there.
Dee’s retort-post made me realize a bunch of things... among them, I realized she’s right – my posts are pretty much just repetitively bitching about being busy, and this is something that isn't enjoyable to anyone anyways. It’s just me venting. So killing myself trying to post/reader-read/status-update every day is just making my days all the harder and more stressful, and in the end I'm not really doing it for any good reason at all.
Another thing I realized is that, again, Dee was right – trying to do all these things has been an obligation, something else on my to do list that I need to wedge into my day, and not something I have enjoyed. They’ve all been things that added to my misery and business, rather than allowing me to escape from them.
For these past few days, I shut off my email notifier, and didn’t write down any of those things on my notepad. And thus far, I have made great progress in the direction I’ve wanted to go, at least in terms of getting my to do lists back under control.
What’s made me somewhat frustrated about this particular matter, however, is the difference between the two of us. Dee says she really wants to read more things more often (as far as my posts go), and I bust my ass sideways trying to make her happy. And yet, when I’ve said I’d like to read more things more often from her, the reaction (based on action and tone more than words) is essentially… “who gives a shit?” and “stop being an ass and get off my back.”
This is where my backslide begins. Because from there, it’s only a few small, slippery steps (and a bit of stewing in my own annoyance), until I’m telling myself how selfish she’s being, and how she doesn’t actually appreciate or recognize the effort I’ve made, and I start thinking about what I do for her vs. what she does to help me out (and doing so with an unfavorable bias), how she hardly every listens to me (and assuming that’s actually a fact), how little we really have in common (again, with all thoughts slanting negatively)… until I have no interest in even talking to the woman.
It doesn’t help that we’re both stubborn people who both think we have the higher ground, either.
As Dee said, we have ups and downs, just like everyone else.
But it’s still “date night” tonight.
Every day, the first thing I have been doing is to write the same things on my notepad: B1 (blog one), B2 (blog two), BOH (Broadening Our Horizons), FB (facebook), and RDR (Google reader). As the day goes along, in addition to all the actual work related stuff I need to see to, I have also tried hard to post to all my blogs, keep up to date on whats in the Reader, update my Facebook status… (you get the idea).
Dee says I’m a writer, but that’s not really true anymore. It's been like 3 or 4 years now since I last bothered looking at a manuscript, and there's only been a couple of dabblings in short stories that all quickly fizzled since then. In truth, the main reason I have tried to post every day isn't that I like to write, but because Dee specifically said she really enjoy reading something new every day that I've written there.
Dee’s retort-post made me realize a bunch of things... among them, I realized she’s right – my posts are pretty much just repetitively bitching about being busy, and this is something that isn't enjoyable to anyone anyways. It’s just me venting. So killing myself trying to post/reader-read/status-update every day is just making my days all the harder and more stressful, and in the end I'm not really doing it for any good reason at all.
Another thing I realized is that, again, Dee was right – trying to do all these things has been an obligation, something else on my to do list that I need to wedge into my day, and not something I have enjoyed. They’ve all been things that added to my misery and business, rather than allowing me to escape from them.
For these past few days, I shut off my email notifier, and didn’t write down any of those things on my notepad. And thus far, I have made great progress in the direction I’ve wanted to go, at least in terms of getting my to do lists back under control.
What’s made me somewhat frustrated about this particular matter, however, is the difference between the two of us. Dee says she really wants to read more things more often (as far as my posts go), and I bust my ass sideways trying to make her happy. And yet, when I’ve said I’d like to read more things more often from her, the reaction (based on action and tone more than words) is essentially… “who gives a shit?” and “stop being an ass and get off my back.”
This is where my backslide begins. Because from there, it’s only a few small, slippery steps (and a bit of stewing in my own annoyance), until I’m telling myself how selfish she’s being, and how she doesn’t actually appreciate or recognize the effort I’ve made, and I start thinking about what I do for her vs. what she does to help me out (and doing so with an unfavorable bias), how she hardly every listens to me (and assuming that’s actually a fact), how little we really have in common (again, with all thoughts slanting negatively)… until I have no interest in even talking to the woman.
It doesn’t help that we’re both stubborn people who both think we have the higher ground, either.
As Dee said, we have ups and downs, just like everyone else.
But it’s still “date night” tonight.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A Public Apology
Google has recently added a feature to its Labs so that you can delay sending your emails for five seconds, making it possible to hit cancel after you hit send. They also have something call Email Goggles, so that you have a minute to think before your email is sent.
This leads me to believe that it's not just me that pulls the trigger on communications without thinking them though thoroughly.
As was the case with my "retort" post.
Let this be my public apology to DH for my sarcastic tone and the words I wrote.
Posting once a week to a blog I agreed would be a vehicle for better and further conversation should not be that difficult. It truly IS about priorities.
I think backsliding comes natural for most of us. The older I get, the steeper and more slippery the slope, so that I wind up crashing down faster and faster, while it gets harder and harder to pull myself back up.
DH and I have our ups and downs, as everyone does. When we are up, we are UP. But when we are down, it takes a good bit of work to get back up again. But it is always worth it.
This leads me to believe that it's not just me that pulls the trigger on communications without thinking them though thoroughly.
As was the case with my "retort" post.
Let this be my public apology to DH for my sarcastic tone and the words I wrote.
Posting once a week to a blog I agreed would be a vehicle for better and further conversation should not be that difficult. It truly IS about priorities.
I think backsliding comes natural for most of us. The older I get, the steeper and more slippery the slope, so that I wind up crashing down faster and faster, while it gets harder and harder to pull myself back up.
DH and I have our ups and downs, as everyone does. When we are up, we are UP. But when we are down, it takes a good bit of work to get back up again. But it is always worth it.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
What happens in Vegas...
Last weekend I flew to Vegas with 5 of my closest friends. Vegas is a funny place. People go there with all sorts of expectations. Families with children vacation there. Young couples honeymoon there. Older couples renew the flame there. Divorcees celebrate their freedom there.
So where do middle aged housewives fit in?
The last time I was in Vegas was with DH. It was truly a wonderful time. We began the trip holding hands and snuggling on the plane. We dressed up and took in a show. We saw the sights. We went to a strip club or two. We had amazing sex in our hotel room. We snuggled and kissed on the plane on the way home.
We went with no expectations and no inhibitions and we had a great time.
This time was oh so very different. Our group of 7 women, ranging in age from 36 (I'm the youngest) to 45 (recently widowed). Most of us are married, happily, though we had two singles. Getting ready to go to the strip for dinner, I put on the same outfit I wore last time...a skirt and top. Not particularly low cut, but not matronly either. The rest of my friends looked like they were getting ready for church! Arriving at Treasure Island's parking garage, we walked through the casino to get to the street. The entire way hearing comments like "I guess Vegas is just an excuse to dress like a slut" or "look at what she's wearing...that's ridiculous." Of course, I commented that I thought anything was acceptable as long as you couldn't see nipples. And I got a dirty look.
I mentioned, perhaps, seeing one of the male stripper shows and you would have thought I said let's get a group divorce! A girl stripclub would obviously be out of the question.
At dinner, the conversation turned to "where is the craziest place you've had sex." I got to say a frisbee golf course in broad daylight at a family reunion. And I heard some interesting answers from the girls. But all from years past. Talking about our current sex life, only one other even found sex enjoyable! Let alone talking about anything "out of the ordinary." Just the mention of anal sex illicited groans of sick, gross, who would do that?
We all split up for a while, some of us went shopping, some saw the sights, and some played the slots. When we all met back up, I'm the only one that got eyerolls because I was carrying a Frederick's of Hollywood bag.
I need to find some fun friends. Some friends who are ready and willing to try new and fun things instead of settling for middle aged.
The weekend was a fun girlie time, but it was wasted in Vegas. We might as well have been in Detroit. And now I'm longing to go back with DH so we can really have some fun!
So where do middle aged housewives fit in?
The last time I was in Vegas was with DH. It was truly a wonderful time. We began the trip holding hands and snuggling on the plane. We dressed up and took in a show. We saw the sights. We went to a strip club or two. We had amazing sex in our hotel room. We snuggled and kissed on the plane on the way home.
We went with no expectations and no inhibitions and we had a great time.
This time was oh so very different. Our group of 7 women, ranging in age from 36 (I'm the youngest) to 45 (recently widowed). Most of us are married, happily, though we had two singles. Getting ready to go to the strip for dinner, I put on the same outfit I wore last time...a skirt and top. Not particularly low cut, but not matronly either. The rest of my friends looked like they were getting ready for church! Arriving at Treasure Island's parking garage, we walked through the casino to get to the street. The entire way hearing comments like "I guess Vegas is just an excuse to dress like a slut" or "look at what she's wearing...that's ridiculous." Of course, I commented that I thought anything was acceptable as long as you couldn't see nipples. And I got a dirty look.
I mentioned, perhaps, seeing one of the male stripper shows and you would have thought I said let's get a group divorce! A girl stripclub would obviously be out of the question.
At dinner, the conversation turned to "where is the craziest place you've had sex." I got to say a frisbee golf course in broad daylight at a family reunion. And I heard some interesting answers from the girls. But all from years past. Talking about our current sex life, only one other even found sex enjoyable! Let alone talking about anything "out of the ordinary." Just the mention of anal sex illicited groans of sick, gross, who would do that?
We all split up for a while, some of us went shopping, some saw the sights, and some played the slots. When we all met back up, I'm the only one that got eyerolls because I was carrying a Frederick's of Hollywood bag.
I need to find some fun friends. Some friends who are ready and willing to try new and fun things instead of settling for middle aged.
The weekend was a fun girlie time, but it was wasted in Vegas. We might as well have been in Detroit. And now I'm longing to go back with DH so we can really have some fun!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
All Orgasms are not created equal...
The other night, DH surprised me first by telling me he would be pulling out the hitachi, and later by actually doing it. This is a man who is very anti-machinery, so to have him offer was a pleasant surprise. We were fooling around on the couch when he paused to get the object in question.
He started out by massaging my legs and my belly, my breasts, and finally lightly caressing the outside of my pussy. The soft purring feels so wonderfully invigorating. My DH is an expert at what makes ME purr so he knew to gently stroke with increasing pressure in a rhythmic circle. It didn't take long for me start writhing and moaning as the orgasm started, with the epicenter at my clitoris...jolts of electricity running through my body, stiffening my legs and arching my back. A good orgasm!
Later that night (or maybe another) we were in our bed making love with all the kissing and caressing and loving that really turns me on. I was on top of DH riding the full length of his cock. As we looked deep into each other's eyes, I could feel the the orgasm buiding, starting in my heart and spiraling to my head, my breasts, and finally my legs. I continued to ride him as I was telling him how much I loved him and the wave of orgasm crashed over my body. The waves engulfed me as I continued moving with DH and with each stroke I could feel the sensation recede and wash over me again and again. As the last wave slowly faded, I collapsed on DH's chest giggling happily as every fiber of my being was infused with feelings of love and well being. This was an amazing orgasm. The kind that you remember fondly for days to come. The kind that brings a smile to your face as you are working out and your mind drifts back to this memorable moment.
The hitachi will almost always give me an orgasm and sometimes that release is needed. But when I want a mind blowing full body orgasm, the only thing I can count on is DH's delicious, beautiful, powerful cock.
He started out by massaging my legs and my belly, my breasts, and finally lightly caressing the outside of my pussy. The soft purring feels so wonderfully invigorating. My DH is an expert at what makes ME purr so he knew to gently stroke with increasing pressure in a rhythmic circle. It didn't take long for me start writhing and moaning as the orgasm started, with the epicenter at my clitoris...jolts of electricity running through my body, stiffening my legs and arching my back. A good orgasm!
Later that night (or maybe another) we were in our bed making love with all the kissing and caressing and loving that really turns me on. I was on top of DH riding the full length of his cock. As we looked deep into each other's eyes, I could feel the the orgasm buiding, starting in my heart and spiraling to my head, my breasts, and finally my legs. I continued to ride him as I was telling him how much I loved him and the wave of orgasm crashed over my body. The waves engulfed me as I continued moving with DH and with each stroke I could feel the sensation recede and wash over me again and again. As the last wave slowly faded, I collapsed on DH's chest giggling happily as every fiber of my being was infused with feelings of love and well being. This was an amazing orgasm. The kind that you remember fondly for days to come. The kind that brings a smile to your face as you are working out and your mind drifts back to this memorable moment.
The hitachi will almost always give me an orgasm and sometimes that release is needed. But when I want a mind blowing full body orgasm, the only thing I can count on is DH's delicious, beautiful, powerful cock.
My retort
DH is a writer. He writes books.
I am a reader. Though beyond 9 year old literary choices, I haven't been able to read a book in years. Except blogs. I have my Google reader set up nicely, so that I always have a tidbit or two to read each day. The computer equivalent of a fashion magazine.
First, for me, it takes days to think up a subject for a post, formulate what I want to say in it, and then type it out, edit, polish, and finally publish.
Second, posting daily about how your wife doesn't post and how tiring life is, does not count as sexually adventuresome. In fact, I don't think it should even count as posting.
Third, as we all know, when something is made into an obligation, it becomes a chore and infinitely less enjoyable. And when someone is nagged constantly about their lack of meeting even a low expectation, it makes it that much harder to WANT to do the thing in the first place.
That said, I will now post...
I am a reader. Though beyond 9 year old literary choices, I haven't been able to read a book in years. Except blogs. I have my Google reader set up nicely, so that I always have a tidbit or two to read each day. The computer equivalent of a fashion magazine.
First, for me, it takes days to think up a subject for a post, formulate what I want to say in it, and then type it out, edit, polish, and finally publish.
Second, posting daily about how your wife doesn't post and how tiring life is, does not count as sexually adventuresome. In fact, I don't think it should even count as posting.
Third, as we all know, when something is made into an obligation, it becomes a chore and infinitely less enjoyable. And when someone is nagged constantly about their lack of meeting even a low expectation, it makes it that much harder to WANT to do the thing in the first place.
That said, I will now post...
TMI
Short answers this time around, as I’m going to at least TRY to post a second entry before I leave work today…
Mine are below his...Dee
1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?
No. I have considered running a few names through Facebook, but then I realize I’m really just not that interested.
Sadly, yes. I get obsessed about stuff. Not to mention that I am obsessed with Google. It's not that I care what happened to any ex of mine, but I am curious.
2. Do you gossip?
No, not really.
Sadly, yes. Sometimes, that all us girls have to talk about. I have tried abstaining, but that lasts for all of 30 seconds.
3. How many people do you completely trust?
One.
One.
4. Have you ever had sex in car?
Yes.
Oh yes. In a few different cars, in fact. And once on the hood of the hood. The most interesting would have to have been in my Fiero, which is a little tiny two-seater from the 80s. But it was fun figuring out where all our body parts were going to go.
5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
Innuendo, combined (eventually) with physical contact.
I would have to say talking about my sex life. I am not a good flirter at all. In fact, I'm particularly bad at it.
Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
I really have no idea. There have been a few days in my life with multiple events, but I can’t say I’ve actually kept score. I can say with certainty that if anyone would know the answer to this, it’d be Dee, since she would have been the other party involved.
I've also never really kept score. I would say at least 3 times, but not sure if that's the record or not.
Mine are below his...Dee
1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?
No. I have considered running a few names through Facebook, but then I realize I’m really just not that interested.
Sadly, yes. I get obsessed about stuff. Not to mention that I am obsessed with Google. It's not that I care what happened to any ex of mine, but I am curious.
2. Do you gossip?
No, not really.
Sadly, yes. Sometimes, that all us girls have to talk about. I have tried abstaining, but that lasts for all of 30 seconds.
3. How many people do you completely trust?
One.
One.
4. Have you ever had sex in car?
Yes.
Oh yes. In a few different cars, in fact. And once on the hood of the hood. The most interesting would have to have been in my Fiero, which is a little tiny two-seater from the 80s. But it was fun figuring out where all our body parts were going to go.
5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
Innuendo, combined (eventually) with physical contact.
I would have to say talking about my sex life. I am not a good flirter at all. In fact, I'm particularly bad at it.
Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
I really have no idea. There have been a few days in my life with multiple events, but I can’t say I’ve actually kept score. I can say with certainty that if anyone would know the answer to this, it’d be Dee, since she would have been the other party involved.
I've also never really kept score. I would say at least 3 times, but not sure if that's the record or not.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Priorities
I’m sure I mentioned this before, but this blog began as part of a dare, a medium in which Dee was required to post a naughty picture of herself for the world to see (the first picture she posted now seems amusingly tame compared to the photos she’s allowed me to take – and which she’s posted – since then). Beyond that first dare, I had hoped this would perform other functions. I’d hoped it would positively impact the communication between Dee and I, and to a (albiet minor extent) it has done so. I’d hoped that, through thoughtful writing, I might be able to better elucidate and understand exactly what it was/is that I want, and who I am in terms of my sexuality, and it has done that, as well. But I’d also hoped that it would be an avenue through which, by posting regularly (several times a week, at least), both Dee and I would keep our thoughts trained on the subject of sex, and it seems that, at least, hasn’t happened at all.
Dee has told me numerous times that this is something she requires – the long buildup, the continual flow of sexual thoughts, a low-grade arousal lasting all day long. I am somewhat the same way. After a day of work, the commute, making dinner, doing whatever tasks are required (the dishes, cleaning up, or whatever), and then doing all the end-of-day stuff that a guy typically does (brush the teeth, let the dog out, check the door locks, turn off the lights, etc.), it’s hard as hell to curl up on the couch or climb into bed, tired and looking forward to another day of the same, and switch gears, somehow suddenly turning on the horny.
I thought that, by posting regularly, it would drive us both to devote more time during our days attending to carnal thoughts. In addition, I thought that, for my part, having to post in such a public way would (basically through embarrassment and fear of being perceived as dull and boring, and thus find new and interesting things to post about) would spur me forward, motivating me to be more adventurous, more sexual… more interesting. Our rules say that we must both post once a week, which I now recognize is far too infrequent a pace to satisfy this original intention. Dee has taken the once-per-week as being all that is required, rather than a minimum, and has occasionally even failed to meet even that low expectation. And while I have tried to post most days, I’ve tended to be more thoughtful and less sexual, and have not been motivated towards adventurism of any sort, so those ideas have failed, as well.
It would seem to me that, if sex is to be a priority, then by default, making the effort to keep erotic thoughts in the forefront of our own mind – and each other’s – would be of high interest to both of us, so the fact that Dee doesn’t post regularly bothers me a bit. Whether fair or no, I use her posts (and the frequency of her posts) as a gauge… a measure of just where her priorities lie, and an indication of her level of sexual interest and general horniness. She herself has told me that posting is of high priority to her, so it seems reasonable to expect that the tone of her posts (or lack thereof) would be a fair indicator of whether or not she’s got sex on the brain while she’s sitting at work. As it stands, it seems to me that she barely thinks about it at all.
She’s a busy woman, I realize, and doesn’t have the time (or the freedom, sharing a cube!) to write with regularity, but what bothers me more is that, even when time is available, and the opportunity readily at hand, her priorities remain elsewhere. For example, last weekend she told me she had a post written and ready to go (“just need to spell check it!”), which had me spending the weekend anticipating what I might be reading while sitting at work on Monday. All this week she’s told me how her desk was clear, and her work was caught up. And yet… no post. Just a few lines tacked on to the bottom of my Tuesday TMI, and that’s all.
How is it that, with an empty desk and post written, it is still too onerous a task to devote five minutes to cut-paste-post? How low on your priorities list does something have to be that something so simple can be set aside, ignored in favor of something else?
Dee has told me numerous times that this is something she requires – the long buildup, the continual flow of sexual thoughts, a low-grade arousal lasting all day long. I am somewhat the same way. After a day of work, the commute, making dinner, doing whatever tasks are required (the dishes, cleaning up, or whatever), and then doing all the end-of-day stuff that a guy typically does (brush the teeth, let the dog out, check the door locks, turn off the lights, etc.), it’s hard as hell to curl up on the couch or climb into bed, tired and looking forward to another day of the same, and switch gears, somehow suddenly turning on the horny.
I thought that, by posting regularly, it would drive us both to devote more time during our days attending to carnal thoughts. In addition, I thought that, for my part, having to post in such a public way would (basically through embarrassment and fear of being perceived as dull and boring, and thus find new and interesting things to post about) would spur me forward, motivating me to be more adventurous, more sexual… more interesting. Our rules say that we must both post once a week, which I now recognize is far too infrequent a pace to satisfy this original intention. Dee has taken the once-per-week as being all that is required, rather than a minimum, and has occasionally even failed to meet even that low expectation. And while I have tried to post most days, I’ve tended to be more thoughtful and less sexual, and have not been motivated towards adventurism of any sort, so those ideas have failed, as well.
It would seem to me that, if sex is to be a priority, then by default, making the effort to keep erotic thoughts in the forefront of our own mind – and each other’s – would be of high interest to both of us, so the fact that Dee doesn’t post regularly bothers me a bit. Whether fair or no, I use her posts (and the frequency of her posts) as a gauge… a measure of just where her priorities lie, and an indication of her level of sexual interest and general horniness. She herself has told me that posting is of high priority to her, so it seems reasonable to expect that the tone of her posts (or lack thereof) would be a fair indicator of whether or not she’s got sex on the brain while she’s sitting at work. As it stands, it seems to me that she barely thinks about it at all.
She’s a busy woman, I realize, and doesn’t have the time (or the freedom, sharing a cube!) to write with regularity, but what bothers me more is that, even when time is available, and the opportunity readily at hand, her priorities remain elsewhere. For example, last weekend she told me she had a post written and ready to go (“just need to spell check it!”), which had me spending the weekend anticipating what I might be reading while sitting at work on Monday. All this week she’s told me how her desk was clear, and her work was caught up. And yet… no post. Just a few lines tacked on to the bottom of my Tuesday TMI, and that’s all.
How is it that, with an empty desk and post written, it is still too onerous a task to devote five minutes to cut-paste-post? How low on your priorities list does something have to be that something so simple can be set aside, ignored in favor of something else?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Non-HNT Thursday...
Once again we didn’t post a HNT pic, for a number of reasons – Dee has spent the last couple of days feeling flat-on-her-back sick, I’ve been busy as hell at work (still… but the light at the end of that tunnel is very close now, I think), and Dee is departing for Vegas today, so packing and preparing for that was a priority. Still, the failure has me feeling somewhat schmuck-ish. The best I can do is promise to make up for it later… there’s a couple of particularly interesting photograph ideas I’d like to see if we can pull off, but those are for a later date, when we have a little bit of time to devote to the enterprise, and standing up and moving about doesn’t make Dee want to throw up.
Starting today I’ll be wifeless for a while (until Monday night, that is). I meant to dream up something creative, an assignment or dare which Dee would have to perform while in Vegas, but I never got around to that. I’m not sure it matters anyways, as the woman has bought new clothes, can’t sleep, performed some additional primping, and clearly has plans for the weekend already.
I toyed with the idea of requesting she do the same for me, but since I have the kiddo, and am not a very daring person anyways (and she was apparently as busy as I’ve been), I never settled on whether or not I would make that request, either. Overall I’ve not been terribly motivated and quite under-energized. I’ve even tried things like Zip-Fizz, Emergen-C Energy Boost, etc., but didn’t really see all that much in the results column. Coffee still works, but whoever makes the coffee at my firm is… untalented in the undertaking.
Poor Dee has had to spend the last two weeks enduring a spouse who either drops off the instant we get in bed, or approaches sex with an air of “oh… all right, I guess…” I think it might be a bad sign when, after the fact, my wife’s reaction to my efforts is an appreciate “thank you” – as if I’ve performed a kindly act that I’ve neglected to attend to for far too long. I'm truly hoping that I'll come out of the work-tunnel by the end of the week, gather some rest over the weekend, and return to the land of the living by the time Dee returns home.
I do plan to spend the weekend applying what little electronic knowledge I have, and attempt to set up a Google Alert for HNT (as Animalmindreader advised in a comment earlier this week), and I’ll probably post here (and on my other blog) a time or three, as well…
Starting today I’ll be wifeless for a while (until Monday night, that is). I meant to dream up something creative, an assignment or dare which Dee would have to perform while in Vegas, but I never got around to that. I’m not sure it matters anyways, as the woman has bought new clothes, can’t sleep, performed some additional primping, and clearly has plans for the weekend already.
I toyed with the idea of requesting she do the same for me, but since I have the kiddo, and am not a very daring person anyways (and she was apparently as busy as I’ve been), I never settled on whether or not I would make that request, either. Overall I’ve not been terribly motivated and quite under-energized. I’ve even tried things like Zip-Fizz, Emergen-C Energy Boost, etc., but didn’t really see all that much in the results column. Coffee still works, but whoever makes the coffee at my firm is… untalented in the undertaking.
Poor Dee has had to spend the last two weeks enduring a spouse who either drops off the instant we get in bed, or approaches sex with an air of “oh… all right, I guess…” I think it might be a bad sign when, after the fact, my wife’s reaction to my efforts is an appreciate “thank you” – as if I’ve performed a kindly act that I’ve neglected to attend to for far too long. I'm truly hoping that I'll come out of the work-tunnel by the end of the week, gather some rest over the weekend, and return to the land of the living by the time Dee returns home.
I do plan to spend the weekend applying what little electronic knowledge I have, and attempt to set up a Google Alert for HNT (as Animalmindreader advised in a comment earlier this week), and I’ll probably post here (and on my other blog) a time or three, as well…
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
TMI
I just added mine at the bottom of his...Dee.
1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?
I would have to say no… I don’t have a sexual secret I’ve never told anyone, since (as far as I know) I’ve shared everything with Dee. However, I will qualify this by saying I strongly suspect that Dee probably doesn’t feel that way.
First, I think it’s human nature to suspect that someone we are close to is harboring secrets – I think that, in a way, we’re all somewhat suspicious by nature. Sometimes those suspicions bring about full-blown jealousy, but more often than not this suspicion is something we take as a matter of course, and doesn’t affect our lives or relationships. For example, I suspect that Dee fakes it more often than I know, but… I could be wrong, and for the most part (to coin the phrase) what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me.
Second, in sharing my “whatever” (thoughts, feelings, opinions…) with Dee, I know I sometimes fail to adequately communicate as well as I would hope to. In failing to do so, I think there are times when the same subject arises at a later date, and by doing a better (or worse) job of communicating what I think is the same thought, it’s entirely possible that the perceived change in what I’m saying might indicate to Dee that I wasn’t completely honest earlier, or that this time around I’m hiding something.
Finally, I think that sometimes what I would identify as the most critical or important piece of information conveyed may not be received or identified as such by Dee. For example, I gave her my answers to an extensive questionnaire – my “Christmas Gift” to her, previously identified in this blog – and I’m sure that if you asked me to highlight the top three or four pieces of information I wanted her to know – and remember, and asked her to highlight the three or four she thought I’d pick (or that she herself feels is most important and remembered most), you’d end up with two fantastically different answers. And so it is that, two years down the road, she might say to me “this is how I feel” (repeating something she had said before and felt was important, but which I heard, thought incidental, and failed to commit to memory), only to be hurt and upset when my response is “why haven’t I heard this before? I thought we didn’t have any secrets!”
And I think that every couple has these same issues, to a greater or lesser degree. And for myself, I think Dee an I are very much on the lesser end of that particular bell curve, but these things do still happen from time to time.
I always say my life is an open book. And this is, essentially, the truth. I just cannot keep secrets. They always leak out, especially when I've had a little bit to drink. I want to keep secrets. But I never manage it. Though I have been pretty good at compartmentalizing. DH knows everything about me. My friends, however, typically do not. I can do without the wrath of middle aged judgmental women! Sad but true.
2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?
I can honestly say I don’t have any secrets. There are a great number of things that I’ve shared with Dee… and nobody else – but there is nothing I can think of that I’ve never told anyone. Having said that, I’m sure there is something, somewhere, at some time in my past, that I haven’t shared with anyone (including Dee), but it isn’t anything important, as even I don’t recall what it might be.
I can pretty much keep a sexual secret from most people. But nonsexual secrets? Forget about it. My friends know that to tell me something is to tell the world.
3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?
It’s a funny thing about secrets… the way the salient details slip your mind as time passes. I’m absolutely sure I’ve shared secrets with others, only to have that confidence betrayed – that I can remember, and I can remember that I was embarrassed by it. But the experience was years ago, and I don’t have the first clue what the revealed secrets actually were, or why I was embarrassed.
As ironic as it is, even though I can't keep a secret I expect other people to keep them. I tell people stuff all the time that I don't want repeated and DUH! What do you think happens? This happens on a professional level as well as a social level. And yet, I never learn!
4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?
I’m sure that I have spilled a secret or two, but I honestly can’t recall having done so, and any secrets spilled would have either been inadvertently revealed or spilled long, long ago. When it comes to matters of confidence, such as the sharing of a secret, I value the trust others place in me above almost all else, so keeping secrets is very important to me (unless there is a very good reason not to). As I’ve shared with Dee, even in a (thus far hypothetical) situation where our daughter confided in me (in a don’t-tell-mom scenario), I would keep that confidence unless there was a valid reason not to (and then I’d tell her straight off that mom needs to know). And in the same way, I value the trust Dee puts in me as far as taking the right road (to tell or not to tell) if I were confronted with such a scenario.
Well of course I have! And quite honestly, the repercussions are usually not nearly as bad as expected. I believe knowledge is power and open communication can cure a whole lot of things. If people just came out and said what was on their minds, the world would be a better place. I'm convinced of it. DH would disagree, I'm sure.
5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)
I can’t think of any secret to respond with here – the salient details of previous confidences (a/k/a those told to be “BD” – “Before Dee”) have been lost with the passage of time. The only secrets I can recall are Dee’s, which I’m not about to share... though, come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure that there’s anything I know about Dee that really, truly IS a secret – as she says, her life is an open book, so I’m not sure there’s anything about her that I’m the only one who knows.
Hmmm...Can't think of anything anyone told me that I haven't told someone about. Though that is a gift onto itself. If I am told something, and nothing happens with it for a week, I will have completely forgotten it. Thereby ensuring the safe haven of the secret, locked in my very forgetful brain!
1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?
I would have to say no… I don’t have a sexual secret I’ve never told anyone, since (as far as I know) I’ve shared everything with Dee. However, I will qualify this by saying I strongly suspect that Dee probably doesn’t feel that way.
First, I think it’s human nature to suspect that someone we are close to is harboring secrets – I think that, in a way, we’re all somewhat suspicious by nature. Sometimes those suspicions bring about full-blown jealousy, but more often than not this suspicion is something we take as a matter of course, and doesn’t affect our lives or relationships. For example, I suspect that Dee fakes it more often than I know, but… I could be wrong, and for the most part (to coin the phrase) what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me.
Second, in sharing my “whatever” (thoughts, feelings, opinions…) with Dee, I know I sometimes fail to adequately communicate as well as I would hope to. In failing to do so, I think there are times when the same subject arises at a later date, and by doing a better (or worse) job of communicating what I think is the same thought, it’s entirely possible that the perceived change in what I’m saying might indicate to Dee that I wasn’t completely honest earlier, or that this time around I’m hiding something.
Finally, I think that sometimes what I would identify as the most critical or important piece of information conveyed may not be received or identified as such by Dee. For example, I gave her my answers to an extensive questionnaire – my “Christmas Gift” to her, previously identified in this blog – and I’m sure that if you asked me to highlight the top three or four pieces of information I wanted her to know – and remember, and asked her to highlight the three or four she thought I’d pick (or that she herself feels is most important and remembered most), you’d end up with two fantastically different answers. And so it is that, two years down the road, she might say to me “this is how I feel” (repeating something she had said before and felt was important, but which I heard, thought incidental, and failed to commit to memory), only to be hurt and upset when my response is “why haven’t I heard this before? I thought we didn’t have any secrets!”
And I think that every couple has these same issues, to a greater or lesser degree. And for myself, I think Dee an I are very much on the lesser end of that particular bell curve, but these things do still happen from time to time.
I always say my life is an open book. And this is, essentially, the truth. I just cannot keep secrets. They always leak out, especially when I've had a little bit to drink. I want to keep secrets. But I never manage it. Though I have been pretty good at compartmentalizing. DH knows everything about me. My friends, however, typically do not. I can do without the wrath of middle aged judgmental women! Sad but true.
2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?
I can honestly say I don’t have any secrets. There are a great number of things that I’ve shared with Dee… and nobody else – but there is nothing I can think of that I’ve never told anyone. Having said that, I’m sure there is something, somewhere, at some time in my past, that I haven’t shared with anyone (including Dee), but it isn’t anything important, as even I don’t recall what it might be.
I can pretty much keep a sexual secret from most people. But nonsexual secrets? Forget about it. My friends know that to tell me something is to tell the world.
3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?
It’s a funny thing about secrets… the way the salient details slip your mind as time passes. I’m absolutely sure I’ve shared secrets with others, only to have that confidence betrayed – that I can remember, and I can remember that I was embarrassed by it. But the experience was years ago, and I don’t have the first clue what the revealed secrets actually were, or why I was embarrassed.
As ironic as it is, even though I can't keep a secret I expect other people to keep them. I tell people stuff all the time that I don't want repeated and DUH! What do you think happens? This happens on a professional level as well as a social level. And yet, I never learn!
4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?
I’m sure that I have spilled a secret or two, but I honestly can’t recall having done so, and any secrets spilled would have either been inadvertently revealed or spilled long, long ago. When it comes to matters of confidence, such as the sharing of a secret, I value the trust others place in me above almost all else, so keeping secrets is very important to me (unless there is a very good reason not to). As I’ve shared with Dee, even in a (thus far hypothetical) situation where our daughter confided in me (in a don’t-tell-mom scenario), I would keep that confidence unless there was a valid reason not to (and then I’d tell her straight off that mom needs to know). And in the same way, I value the trust Dee puts in me as far as taking the right road (to tell or not to tell) if I were confronted with such a scenario.
Well of course I have! And quite honestly, the repercussions are usually not nearly as bad as expected. I believe knowledge is power and open communication can cure a whole lot of things. If people just came out and said what was on their minds, the world would be a better place. I'm convinced of it. DH would disagree, I'm sure.
5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)
I can’t think of any secret to respond with here – the salient details of previous confidences (a/k/a those told to be “BD” – “Before Dee”) have been lost with the passage of time. The only secrets I can recall are Dee’s, which I’m not about to share... though, come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure that there’s anything I know about Dee that really, truly IS a secret – as she says, her life is an open book, so I’m not sure there’s anything about her that I’m the only one who knows.
Hmmm...Can't think of anything anyone told me that I haven't told someone about. Though that is a gift onto itself. If I am told something, and nothing happens with it for a week, I will have completely forgotten it. Thereby ensuring the safe haven of the secret, locked in my very forgetful brain!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
HNT
Do you think DH will allow this to count as my weekly post?! I didn't think so either...
Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday, everyone!
Nice.
Is it just me, or does the term “stimulus package” sound like something naughty? A boxed set of really good porn, maybe. A euphemism for the sexual organs (male or female). A new sex toy. Something.
And how many woman do you think have had to endure really lame pick-up lines as a result of this particular Congressional action? Can I get a bailout from YOUR stimulus package?
It occurred to me that this whole fatigue thing I’ve been complaining about here might be something more than just a matter of getting run over by an increased workload – it might be related to the diet thing. Since January, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’ve been walking 2-3 miles almost every day, I’ve been eating better, and I’ve generally been a little more active than I once was. All of these things – medically – are supposed to be good for me, but they do have their drawbacks, apparently.
Until very recently, for example, I used to be able to walk outside in the dead of winter, and melt snow just by passing nearby. I’m the guy who never felt cold, always slept on top of the covers. Now… I’m freezing, all the time.
Admittedly, I’ve never been a ball of energy – a lethargic ‘who-hoo’ has always been about the top end of my personal energy scale… I think I even fuck pretty lackadaisically (no wild, hard thrusting here… just a lot of undulating ocean-wave moves) – but it’s entirely possible that I’ve changed my metabolism, and somehow turned the thermostat down, or became more fuel-efficient, or whatever.
So maybe I’m the one who needs a stimulus package. A metabolic boost of some kind.
When I was younger, I remember buying bottles and bottles of 357-Magnums – massive pills loaded with caffeine and ephedrine. We used to down them with a heavy dose of Mountain Dew (or Jolt! cola), and called it “a pick-me-up.” At one point I was popping three or four at a time, and enjoying two or three pick-me-ups a day. Then one day I realized that my heart was always racing and pounding in my chest, I was frequently dizzy, perpetually buzzed, and was probably slowly killing myself, and that put an end to all that… really fast.
After that, there were a couple of occasions (mostly when I was either working two jobs, or working full time, going to school, and still trying to have a social life) when was tempted to try those herbal supplements you see advertised in cheesy commercials… but I’ve never got beyond the thought. I’ve heard that a lot of that stuff is either ineffective or downright BAD for you.
I’ve always been in search of a bottomless well of energy – a legal source, and preferably a healthy one (yes, I know… keep dreamin’). The idea that I have to sleep has never sat well with me. It seems like such a waste of time! Especially when I’m tired, and all I WANT to do is sleep, to the detriment of everything else I’d like to do.
Being tired doesn’t make me grumpy… feeling too tired to do the things I either want to, or at least should be doing… which in turn makes me feel lame… which in turn makes me feel like I’m wasting my time… which makes me feel as though life is slipping away from me, and the best years are behind me… which in turn…
THAT’S what makes me grumpy. And sometimes a little pissed off. It can sometimes turn into a downward cycle.
You’d think that the someone would have come up with a pill for this by now – after all, we’ve got Viagra and Starbucks triple shot mocha Frappuccinos. Wouldn’t it be nice to pop a pill in the morning, zip through the workday with boundless energy, run some errands, go home and watch a little prime time TV, knock a few things of your at-home chores list, grab your spouse and fuck like teenagers… and then head for the bathroom, where you take a shower, pop another pill, and head off to work?
No sleep necessary, and no residual fatigue.
Nice.
And how many woman do you think have had to endure really lame pick-up lines as a result of this particular Congressional action? Can I get a bailout from YOUR stimulus package?
It occurred to me that this whole fatigue thing I’ve been complaining about here might be something more than just a matter of getting run over by an increased workload – it might be related to the diet thing. Since January, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’ve been walking 2-3 miles almost every day, I’ve been eating better, and I’ve generally been a little more active than I once was. All of these things – medically – are supposed to be good for me, but they do have their drawbacks, apparently.
Until very recently, for example, I used to be able to walk outside in the dead of winter, and melt snow just by passing nearby. I’m the guy who never felt cold, always slept on top of the covers. Now… I’m freezing, all the time.
Admittedly, I’ve never been a ball of energy – a lethargic ‘who-hoo’ has always been about the top end of my personal energy scale… I think I even fuck pretty lackadaisically (no wild, hard thrusting here… just a lot of undulating ocean-wave moves) – but it’s entirely possible that I’ve changed my metabolism, and somehow turned the thermostat down, or became more fuel-efficient, or whatever.
So maybe I’m the one who needs a stimulus package. A metabolic boost of some kind.
When I was younger, I remember buying bottles and bottles of 357-Magnums – massive pills loaded with caffeine and ephedrine. We used to down them with a heavy dose of Mountain Dew (or Jolt! cola), and called it “a pick-me-up.” At one point I was popping three or four at a time, and enjoying two or three pick-me-ups a day. Then one day I realized that my heart was always racing and pounding in my chest, I was frequently dizzy, perpetually buzzed, and was probably slowly killing myself, and that put an end to all that… really fast.
After that, there were a couple of occasions (mostly when I was either working two jobs, or working full time, going to school, and still trying to have a social life) when was tempted to try those herbal supplements you see advertised in cheesy commercials… but I’ve never got beyond the thought. I’ve heard that a lot of that stuff is either ineffective or downright BAD for you.
I’ve always been in search of a bottomless well of energy – a legal source, and preferably a healthy one (yes, I know… keep dreamin’). The idea that I have to sleep has never sat well with me. It seems like such a waste of time! Especially when I’m tired, and all I WANT to do is sleep, to the detriment of everything else I’d like to do.
Being tired doesn’t make me grumpy… feeling too tired to do the things I either want to, or at least should be doing… which in turn makes me feel lame… which in turn makes me feel like I’m wasting my time… which makes me feel as though life is slipping away from me, and the best years are behind me… which in turn…
THAT’S what makes me grumpy. And sometimes a little pissed off. It can sometimes turn into a downward cycle.
You’d think that the someone would have come up with a pill for this by now – after all, we’ve got Viagra and Starbucks triple shot mocha Frappuccinos. Wouldn’t it be nice to pop a pill in the morning, zip through the workday with boundless energy, run some errands, go home and watch a little prime time TV, knock a few things of your at-home chores list, grab your spouse and fuck like teenagers… and then head for the bathroom, where you take a shower, pop another pill, and head off to work?
No sleep necessary, and no residual fatigue.
Nice.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Rundown
Feeling run down (physically) is bad enough. There’s nothing quite like hearing that tickle in the back of your head that says, you know, I kinda want to have sex right now… then having the thought consults your energy level and finish itself with, um… yeah… no.
What I hate the most, however, is the way being over-busy runs me down (mentally). I hate it when I want to think creatively, and can’t. I haven’t come up with a single idea for an HNT picture, so we’re just holding back last week’s (which we failed to post even belatedly because of the distractions), and will hopefully get it posted tonight. I’ve found it impossible to generate anything interesting to post on my other blog. And as for this one… I’m not sure rambling on, post-after-post, about how life has suddenly thumped me is all that interesting.
I feel like I’ve barely seen the kiddo in the past couple weeks (though worn out, I am home in the evenings, but the ladies are not). I feel an intensified need – as I alluded to in my last post – to plan an adult weekend with Dee and get the hell out of here (and then I feel all guilty about the fact that this would mean shoveling the kiddo off for yet even more time on her own). I feel like we should do something nice for the girl, even something as simple at taking her out to dinner, but I’m hesitant to add yet another item to her calendar (plus, we’re all on diets here, and dieting and dinners out are just not compatible).
And, of course, my adherence to the rules has been abysmal. At six o’clock last night, I was convinced I was going to get some before bed… but by the time the girls returned home, and the kid was safely tucked in bed, I knew I wouldn’t have the energy for it.
In the words of Charlie Brown: Good grief.
The good news, I guess, is that the family hasn’t packed up and left yet, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. At the rate I’m digging out from under here at work, things will be back to normal sometime mid-next-week, or thereabouts… just in time to see Dee off on her trip to Vegas (not THAT kind of trip).
And so I find myself looking forward to Dee’s departure, because – hopefully – my work will be back to the norm, and I’ll have the house to myself for a day or two (after trying to accomplish way too much the first day or two, I give up on that and find the remaining “alone time” is quite restorative).
But then I feel guilty for thinking such a thought, because I haven’t seen all that much of Dee, either.
What I hate the most, however, is the way being over-busy runs me down (mentally). I hate it when I want to think creatively, and can’t. I haven’t come up with a single idea for an HNT picture, so we’re just holding back last week’s (which we failed to post even belatedly because of the distractions), and will hopefully get it posted tonight. I’ve found it impossible to generate anything interesting to post on my other blog. And as for this one… I’m not sure rambling on, post-after-post, about how life has suddenly thumped me is all that interesting.
I feel like I’ve barely seen the kiddo in the past couple weeks (though worn out, I am home in the evenings, but the ladies are not). I feel an intensified need – as I alluded to in my last post – to plan an adult weekend with Dee and get the hell out of here (and then I feel all guilty about the fact that this would mean shoveling the kiddo off for yet even more time on her own). I feel like we should do something nice for the girl, even something as simple at taking her out to dinner, but I’m hesitant to add yet another item to her calendar (plus, we’re all on diets here, and dieting and dinners out are just not compatible).
And, of course, my adherence to the rules has been abysmal. At six o’clock last night, I was convinced I was going to get some before bed… but by the time the girls returned home, and the kid was safely tucked in bed, I knew I wouldn’t have the energy for it.
In the words of Charlie Brown: Good grief.
The good news, I guess, is that the family hasn’t packed up and left yet, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. At the rate I’m digging out from under here at work, things will be back to normal sometime mid-next-week, or thereabouts… just in time to see Dee off on her trip to Vegas (not THAT kind of trip).
And so I find myself looking forward to Dee’s departure, because – hopefully – my work will be back to the norm, and I’ll have the house to myself for a day or two (after trying to accomplish way too much the first day or two, I give up on that and find the remaining “alone time” is quite restorative).
But then I feel guilty for thinking such a thought, because I haven’t seen all that much of Dee, either.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
TMI
1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?
I’m definitely pro-marriage, but that may just be a matter of having nothing to compare it to. For me, the whole being single thing pretty much sucked anyways. Plus, I might be biased based on who I ended up marrying.
2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
No.
3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
No.
4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
Assuming it was without the knowledge and permission of your spouse, yes.
5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
Tough choice. I think real sex is far more satisfying, but due to the additional physical exertion, after real sex, I need some serious recovery time. Masturbation is far more efficient, far less taxing, and the orgasms can sometimes be more intense than with real sex (and, if they’re not, I can try again five or ten minutes later).
6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
I have no idea, since I don’t know how often she wants it. Plus, it probably depends on the definition of ‘want.’ I get flashes where, for 30 seconds or so, I really want it, but then everything returns to normal. If those flashes count, then I “want” it three or four or five times a day, typically, sometimes more, but if you only count the times when I actually make a move to get it…
Still, if I had to guess, I’d say no matter how you define ‘want,’ the answer is probably a clear and straightforward NO.
7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
I can’t say this has actually occurred, so I’m mostly running on the hypothetical, and what I know about myself: With another woman, no. With another guy, I don’t think I’d be offended, but I probably wouldn’t be particularly thrilled, and get pouty and sullen. I’m not worried about her leaving me for someone else or anything like that, and I don’t feel as though I’m jealous, but I think I need the reassurance/ego-boost of feeling like I’m the only guy she’s interested in.
8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
I used to be, but not anymore.
I’m definitely pro-marriage, but that may just be a matter of having nothing to compare it to. For me, the whole being single thing pretty much sucked anyways. Plus, I might be biased based on who I ended up marrying.
2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
No.
3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
No.
4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
Assuming it was without the knowledge and permission of your spouse, yes.
5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
Tough choice. I think real sex is far more satisfying, but due to the additional physical exertion, after real sex, I need some serious recovery time. Masturbation is far more efficient, far less taxing, and the orgasms can sometimes be more intense than with real sex (and, if they’re not, I can try again five or ten minutes later).
6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
I have no idea, since I don’t know how often she wants it. Plus, it probably depends on the definition of ‘want.’ I get flashes where, for 30 seconds or so, I really want it, but then everything returns to normal. If those flashes count, then I “want” it three or four or five times a day, typically, sometimes more, but if you only count the times when I actually make a move to get it…
Still, if I had to guess, I’d say no matter how you define ‘want,’ the answer is probably a clear and straightforward NO.
7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
I can’t say this has actually occurred, so I’m mostly running on the hypothetical, and what I know about myself: With another woman, no. With another guy, I don’t think I’d be offended, but I probably wouldn’t be particularly thrilled, and get pouty and sullen. I’m not worried about her leaving me for someone else or anything like that, and I don’t feel as though I’m jealous, but I think I need the reassurance/ego-boost of feeling like I’m the only guy she’s interested in.
8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
I used to be, but not anymore.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
One busy week down, three more busy weeks to go. And the new month starts it all over again. Let me just say that busyness definitely puts a kink into my sex life. And not in a good way.
However, there is one teeny tiny benefit. Friday night, I had a glass...ok a LARGE glass...of wine. There was no obligation, no place to be, until 10 am the next morning. We cuddled on the couch, played with our phones, just hung out. Finished watching a tv show even though it put us past our bedtime. As I got ready for bed, checking items off the chart, and planning ahead for the weekend, I realized just how incredibly exhausted I was.
I crawled into bed next to DH and snuggled in next to him. My favorite place to be, inhaling his scent, caressing his body. He doesn't like kisses, but often I annoy the hell out of him by kissing his shoulder, his cheek, anything until I can get my lips on his. Which I succeeded in doing on Friday night. Kissing his lips over and over until I could have just come on the spot. His lips found their way down my body, his tongue swirling around my nipple and his teeth scraping me until I was writhing. Down further still until he was kissing my belly and then, finally, he was kissing the mound below my belly button. His tongue flicked into the very start of my slit, which feels so delicious. His tongue swirled around and around my clit, and then he used a broad stroke up and down my very wet pussy until I ordered him to just come and fuck me. Which he did.
As we moved together, kissing and touching and breathing, I felt such an incredible sense of peace come over me. And of coming home. I have missed our lovemaking, our loving, our touching and kissing and connecting. I hate when our days are so busy that our nights are reserved for sleep and nothing else.
But it's almost worth it when that sense of calm comes over me, just before I ride the wave of orgasm that inevitably follows. Best orgasms ever.
However, there is one teeny tiny benefit. Friday night, I had a glass...ok a LARGE glass...of wine. There was no obligation, no place to be, until 10 am the next morning. We cuddled on the couch, played with our phones, just hung out. Finished watching a tv show even though it put us past our bedtime. As I got ready for bed, checking items off the chart, and planning ahead for the weekend, I realized just how incredibly exhausted I was.
I crawled into bed next to DH and snuggled in next to him. My favorite place to be, inhaling his scent, caressing his body. He doesn't like kisses, but often I annoy the hell out of him by kissing his shoulder, his cheek, anything until I can get my lips on his. Which I succeeded in doing on Friday night. Kissing his lips over and over until I could have just come on the spot. His lips found their way down my body, his tongue swirling around my nipple and his teeth scraping me until I was writhing. Down further still until he was kissing my belly and then, finally, he was kissing the mound below my belly button. His tongue flicked into the very start of my slit, which feels so delicious. His tongue swirled around and around my clit, and then he used a broad stroke up and down my very wet pussy until I ordered him to just come and fuck me. Which he did.
As we moved together, kissing and touching and breathing, I felt such an incredible sense of peace come over me. And of coming home. I have missed our lovemaking, our loving, our touching and kissing and connecting. I hate when our days are so busy that our nights are reserved for sleep and nothing else.
But it's almost worth it when that sense of calm comes over me, just before I ride the wave of orgasm that inevitably follows. Best orgasms ever.
Las Vegas
I’m stuck in a rut.
On the news last night they aired a segment on how, if you can afford to do so, NOW is the time to travel! Prices are low (especially airfare), and there’s lots of empty seats and empty hotel rooms. They’re talking about cheap fares to Europe (London, Paris, Barcelona… all places I’d love to go!). They mentioned how low prices are for flights to New York, and how cruise lines are offering special deals (we’ve never been on a cruise, but really want to!).
But all I could think was: I’ve gotta look into this, and see what It’d cost to go back to Vegas.
Now, as reported, we did have a wonderful adult “weekend” (actually held mid-week) together, but the truth is, there wasn’t anything about that getaway that was uniquely Vegas. We got a suite. We took in a show or two. We went to a strip club. We saw the sights (the casinos, that is). We didn’t even gamble. You can do the things we did in pretty much any decent sized city in the country. We could do that here at home… probably as well, if not more easily, than anyplace else, expect NYC and Vegas.
So… why do I seem to be so focused on Las Vegas?
There are places I’ve been to that are all about relaxing (Maui, to name one such place), and places I’ve been to that are all about family (Orlando). There are places where I just feel all touristy (NYC) and a LOT of places I’ve been to with amazing scenery (Yosemite). There are a lot of spots I’ve been to just to say I’ve been (Mount Rushmore). There are places that hold an odd fascination for me (Death Valley), and places I’ve just had to see with my own eyes (Denali). I could come up with an endless list of places and reasons to go to each one.
I’m all for a relaxing, romantic weekend at a Bed and Breakfast in the Adirondacks, holding hands in a rented convertible on a warm fall day, doing the color tour. I’m all for sipping hot chocolate in front of a fire in an Aspen resort, cuddled up under a blanket, chatting about whatever comes to mind. I’m all for a week-long cruise in the Bahamas, or walking the beach at night, and finding a secluded place to slip away…
But… when I think about an adult weekend, I don’t think about making love. Or long, cozy conversations. Or romance. Or tourism.
When I think about an adult weekend, I think about fucking. And, for me, Vegas is a place made specifically for that activity. That’s my own personal rut. For adult entertainment, Vegas is my go-to guy.
Something about Vegas energizes me. It’s a place where I feel rested without a full night’s sleep, where I can stay up later without feeling the fatigue. It’s a place where I feel a little more adventurous, a little more daring. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and in Vegas, you’re SUPPOSED to act that way.
This week, I want to at least check out what opportunities are out there. In order to broaden my horizons, however, I’ll force myself to look for someplace new that Dee and I can discover (or re-discover… we’ve both been to NYC, but never together). I’ll try to find some new ideas… even if we don’t do anything soon, I can always apply the knowledge later on.
But I’ll check to see what a weekend in Vegas would cost, too.
On the news last night they aired a segment on how, if you can afford to do so, NOW is the time to travel! Prices are low (especially airfare), and there’s lots of empty seats and empty hotel rooms. They’re talking about cheap fares to Europe (London, Paris, Barcelona… all places I’d love to go!). They mentioned how low prices are for flights to New York, and how cruise lines are offering special deals (we’ve never been on a cruise, but really want to!).
But all I could think was: I’ve gotta look into this, and see what It’d cost to go back to Vegas.
Now, as reported, we did have a wonderful adult “weekend” (actually held mid-week) together, but the truth is, there wasn’t anything about that getaway that was uniquely Vegas. We got a suite. We took in a show or two. We went to a strip club. We saw the sights (the casinos, that is). We didn’t even gamble. You can do the things we did in pretty much any decent sized city in the country. We could do that here at home… probably as well, if not more easily, than anyplace else, expect NYC and Vegas.
So… why do I seem to be so focused on Las Vegas?
There are places I’ve been to that are all about relaxing (Maui, to name one such place), and places I’ve been to that are all about family (Orlando). There are places where I just feel all touristy (NYC) and a LOT of places I’ve been to with amazing scenery (Yosemite). There are a lot of spots I’ve been to just to say I’ve been (Mount Rushmore). There are places that hold an odd fascination for me (Death Valley), and places I’ve just had to see with my own eyes (Denali). I could come up with an endless list of places and reasons to go to each one.
I’m all for a relaxing, romantic weekend at a Bed and Breakfast in the Adirondacks, holding hands in a rented convertible on a warm fall day, doing the color tour. I’m all for sipping hot chocolate in front of a fire in an Aspen resort, cuddled up under a blanket, chatting about whatever comes to mind. I’m all for a week-long cruise in the Bahamas, or walking the beach at night, and finding a secluded place to slip away…
But… when I think about an adult weekend, I don’t think about making love. Or long, cozy conversations. Or romance. Or tourism.
When I think about an adult weekend, I think about fucking. And, for me, Vegas is a place made specifically for that activity. That’s my own personal rut. For adult entertainment, Vegas is my go-to guy.
Something about Vegas energizes me. It’s a place where I feel rested without a full night’s sleep, where I can stay up later without feeling the fatigue. It’s a place where I feel a little more adventurous, a little more daring. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and in Vegas, you’re SUPPOSED to act that way.
This week, I want to at least check out what opportunities are out there. In order to broaden my horizons, however, I’ll force myself to look for someplace new that Dee and I can discover (or re-discover… we’ve both been to NYC, but never together). I’ll try to find some new ideas… even if we don’t do anything soon, I can always apply the knowledge later on.
But I’ll check to see what a weekend in Vegas would cost, too.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A Direct Response, and Other Stuff
Several recently posted comments have prodded thoughts out of my addled brain (in a “I really should mention…” or “I really should post something about…” kind of way), so I suppose this first paragraph or two can be seen as a direct response to some comments made… :)
I can’t speak for Dee, but for myself, I do 99.9% of my blog-following through Google reader while I’m sitting at my desk at work. Now, I don’t believe that having certain URL names on my company server history would be a positive move, so I’ve never once tried to drop a comment on someone else’s blog (though I’ve been tempted to!) – can you even do that through the Reader? The fact that Hubman is surprised to find I'm here, and following him, too, isn’t really a surprise to me. After all, how could he and Another Suburban Mom possibly know I’m here when I’m merely sitting silently in the corner… which is, coincidentally, my usual tack in person, too.
Still, these comments have brought to my mind another interesting thought to consider… how something as simple as my Internet habits (where I surf, how I surf, etc.) can limit or influence my level of interaction and participation in the broader world in which our horizons are supposed to be expanding into. The thought is percolating down there in the boiler room… so maybe something will come of it later on.
(And, yes – Hubman, I will try to coax Dee into updating the link as soon as we find the time - she’s the computer wiz in our household, not I!)…
…but speaking of finding the time…
I wrote yesterday about the crazy, fatiguing, busy week we’ve had, and today is no different. In fact, as I’ve composed these sentences, I’ve also been on the phone with a variety of people, and gone back and forth between this and several other work related items. Today is, again, a busy one, and I really shouldn’t be taking time to post, but as I’ve said before, I’ve decided to make this, at least, a priority. So here I am.
I recently sent Dee an email that said “(1) Pick a number between 1 and 10, and (2) Pick a day of the week” as part of the games we play. The idea behind these directions was to have her (blindly) fill in the blanks for the following instructions: “You are required to give me ____ orgasms by next week ________.”
The thing of it is, I’ve really been that busy at work, which means that by the time I get home, I have little interest or energy in anything else. Even doing the dishes has become a seriously onerous chore. In fact, when I received Dee’s responses (5, and Friday), and emailed her the instructions, with blanks filled in, my first thought was “Great grief… when are we going to fit that in?”
At this point, I’d really like to walk into my boss's office, slap him upside the head, and snarl, “Dude, do you REALIZE you’re fucking up my sex life?”
(For reasons best left unsaid, the current situation is entirely his fault!)
At least I can get a smile from imagining the look on his face. :)
I can’t speak for Dee, but for myself, I do 99.9% of my blog-following through Google reader while I’m sitting at my desk at work. Now, I don’t believe that having certain URL names on my company server history would be a positive move, so I’ve never once tried to drop a comment on someone else’s blog (though I’ve been tempted to!) – can you even do that through the Reader? The fact that Hubman is surprised to find I'm here, and following him, too, isn’t really a surprise to me. After all, how could he and Another Suburban Mom possibly know I’m here when I’m merely sitting silently in the corner… which is, coincidentally, my usual tack in person, too.
Still, these comments have brought to my mind another interesting thought to consider… how something as simple as my Internet habits (where I surf, how I surf, etc.) can limit or influence my level of interaction and participation in the broader world in which our horizons are supposed to be expanding into. The thought is percolating down there in the boiler room… so maybe something will come of it later on.
(And, yes – Hubman, I will try to coax Dee into updating the link as soon as we find the time - she’s the computer wiz in our household, not I!)…
…but speaking of finding the time…
I wrote yesterday about the crazy, fatiguing, busy week we’ve had, and today is no different. In fact, as I’ve composed these sentences, I’ve also been on the phone with a variety of people, and gone back and forth between this and several other work related items. Today is, again, a busy one, and I really shouldn’t be taking time to post, but as I’ve said before, I’ve decided to make this, at least, a priority. So here I am.
I recently sent Dee an email that said “(1) Pick a number between 1 and 10, and (2) Pick a day of the week” as part of the games we play. The idea behind these directions was to have her (blindly) fill in the blanks for the following instructions: “You are required to give me ____ orgasms by next week ________.”
The thing of it is, I’ve really been that busy at work, which means that by the time I get home, I have little interest or energy in anything else. Even doing the dishes has become a seriously onerous chore. In fact, when I received Dee’s responses (5, and Friday), and emailed her the instructions, with blanks filled in, my first thought was “Great grief… when are we going to fit that in?”
At this point, I’d really like to walk into my boss's office, slap him upside the head, and snarl, “Dude, do you REALIZE you’re fucking up my sex life?”
(For reasons best left unsaid, the current situation is entirely his fault!)
At least I can get a smile from imagining the look on his face. :)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Busy, Busy Times
Wow… what a busy week – for both of us.
We took a picture to post today (HNT)… and the fact that it isn’t here yet tells the tale of our lives of late. I came up with the idea for the picture last Thursday, but it took until Tuesday to squeeze in enough time to actually get it taken. And since then, there hasn’t been a half-chance of getting it off the camera and onto the blog yet.
Maybe tonight? Who knows?
For me, the worst thing about weeks like this isn’t the stress – I can deal with stress pretty well. It isn’t even the high volume of obligations that sometimes pile on all at once – I’m pretty efficient at keeping up with the things that are important in life, no matter how high the inbox of life gets. It may take me years to get around to doing the touch ups in the interior painting department, but when the headlight goes out on the car, I’m all over it… before I get pulled over for it.
What gets to me is the frustration – how it has a snowball/avalanche way of building upon itself and compounding everything else in life.
I’ve never really understood why things work this way. Normally, life goes along pretty smoothly, but when something at work has you particularly on edge (frustrated)… THAT’S when the batteries on the remote go out, and there’s no fresh ones in the drawer, and when looking in the drawer, THAT’S when the drawer fails, and you end up dumping everything out onto the floor, and when you go to get the broom out of the closet to clean that up, THAT’S when the closet door handle comes off in your hand…
Frustration has a way of taking you from “Ok… life isn’t great, but it’s still pretty good..” to throwing your shoe out the window just because it’s got a knot in the laces (and chances are you’ll forget to open the window first, thus compounding your frustration even further!).
And then, at the end of the day, when we can finally sit down together for the first time, the fatigue hits, and neither Dee nor I want to get up again.
Worst of all, time becomes oddly arbitrary. At any given moment the day seems to be crawling past, and yet before I know it, it’s Thursday already, and I haven’t fulfilled any of our weekly obligations (as set forth in the Rules).
I just keep telling myself... Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday...
We took a picture to post today (HNT)… and the fact that it isn’t here yet tells the tale of our lives of late. I came up with the idea for the picture last Thursday, but it took until Tuesday to squeeze in enough time to actually get it taken. And since then, there hasn’t been a half-chance of getting it off the camera and onto the blog yet.
Maybe tonight? Who knows?
For me, the worst thing about weeks like this isn’t the stress – I can deal with stress pretty well. It isn’t even the high volume of obligations that sometimes pile on all at once – I’m pretty efficient at keeping up with the things that are important in life, no matter how high the inbox of life gets. It may take me years to get around to doing the touch ups in the interior painting department, but when the headlight goes out on the car, I’m all over it… before I get pulled over for it.
What gets to me is the frustration – how it has a snowball/avalanche way of building upon itself and compounding everything else in life.
I’ve never really understood why things work this way. Normally, life goes along pretty smoothly, but when something at work has you particularly on edge (frustrated)… THAT’S when the batteries on the remote go out, and there’s no fresh ones in the drawer, and when looking in the drawer, THAT’S when the drawer fails, and you end up dumping everything out onto the floor, and when you go to get the broom out of the closet to clean that up, THAT’S when the closet door handle comes off in your hand…
Frustration has a way of taking you from “Ok… life isn’t great, but it’s still pretty good..” to throwing your shoe out the window just because it’s got a knot in the laces (and chances are you’ll forget to open the window first, thus compounding your frustration even further!).
And then, at the end of the day, when we can finally sit down together for the first time, the fatigue hits, and neither Dee nor I want to get up again.
Worst of all, time becomes oddly arbitrary. At any given moment the day seems to be crawling past, and yet before I know it, it’s Thursday already, and I haven’t fulfilled any of our weekly obligations (as set forth in the Rules).
I just keep telling myself... Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
A Commitment to Post
A couple days ago I mentioned that I’d I read or heard a quote about marriage somewhere (I forget where) that basically said “REAL love is spending thirty years watching someone floss their teeth, treat their zits, and trim their toenails, and still wanting to be with them.”
Thanks to a series of unfortunate events at work, I haven’t been much in the mood for thinking about an original post today… I just haven’t had the time. But I am committed to posting, just for the sake of habit (and because it was one of my New Year’s resolutions!). So, I thought I would paraphrase and post a few other short statements I thought were neat… one of which I made up myself:
1.
There are two extremes in sexuality: the audacious and the timid. The difference is that, when the neighbor is tanning topless (or bottomless), the timid will avert their eyes, hurry out of the room, and tell no one what they saw. The audacious will take pictures.
2.
The difference between lust and love: Lust makes you want to fuck the girl at the bar when she’s dressed revealingly and giving you that special look. Love makes you want to take care of the girl when she’s curled up on the couch in her pajamas, throwing up into a wastebasket, miserably sick, and you do anything you can, knowing you’ll end up getting sick, too, and not caring you will.
3.
The difference between romance and love: Romance is taking a special moment to express how you feel. Love is not needing a special moment to express how you feel.
Thanks to a series of unfortunate events at work, I haven’t been much in the mood for thinking about an original post today… I just haven’t had the time. But I am committed to posting, just for the sake of habit (and because it was one of my New Year’s resolutions!). So, I thought I would paraphrase and post a few other short statements I thought were neat… one of which I made up myself:
1.
There are two extremes in sexuality: the audacious and the timid. The difference is that, when the neighbor is tanning topless (or bottomless), the timid will avert their eyes, hurry out of the room, and tell no one what they saw. The audacious will take pictures.
2.
The difference between lust and love: Lust makes you want to fuck the girl at the bar when she’s dressed revealingly and giving you that special look. Love makes you want to take care of the girl when she’s curled up on the couch in her pajamas, throwing up into a wastebasket, miserably sick, and you do anything you can, knowing you’ll end up getting sick, too, and not caring you will.
3.
The difference between romance and love: Romance is taking a special moment to express how you feel. Love is not needing a special moment to express how you feel.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
TMI
1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?
I would have to say “no.” But I must also qualify that by saying I haven’t really done all that much outside of the “usual” or “norm.” In addition, I think I have a pretty good handle on what I like and don’t like, so I tend to be resistant to trying anything I don’t think I’ll enjoy. And if I do try something, that resistance almost always results in a cycle of self-fulfilling prophesies. Dee really hates me for this.
2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
I would have to say that visiting the swingers club was surprisingly less interesting than I thought it would be. I think it was a combination of being surrounded by people I didn’t know (I’m not terribly social with friends, let alone others) and, from my perception, the lack of even the barest hints of eroticism. In my head I thought it would be erotic, seductive, arousing… I thought it would feel highly sexual, but for me it was very much the opposite.
3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
Unless I’m buzzed, I typically don’t.
4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
According to her, anytime she touches me, she’s in the mood. By that definition, she’s in the mood about 80% of the time. Often, this is not the most practical of arrangements, as I’m highly ticklish, and being tickled is a turn off for me, so you can imagine the incompatibility issues that sometimes arise.
5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realize was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
There are a lot of opportunities I regret missing out on. From the time I was fifteen or so, right on through college and into my early 20’s, I could seriously flirt/seduce my way into having “a chance” at just about any girl I wanted… but I almost never actually closed the deal. When I look back at my younger days and realize how many girls I could have at least fooled around with, it’s a little depressing. I’m not saying I would want to have sex with them all, but the naiveté I see permeating my youth is sometimes embarrassing. My history is full of examples of this complete lack of… even mild sexual conclusions.
Once when I was sixteen, I had a girl in the back of my car, naked, under me. I was naked, too, and literally pressed up against the entry point. She whispered in my ear “I want you inside me” and I sat back and said “It’s getting late… I should get you home.” …and I took her home.
I demonstrated this – “restraint?” – on numerous occasions in my life, both in high school and college. I’ve never been able to “take that last step” or “close the deal” or whatever you want to call it. If I hadn’t met a couple of girls (most notably Dee) who were willing to do all the heavy lifting, I would never have lost my virginity at all.
I would have to say “no.” But I must also qualify that by saying I haven’t really done all that much outside of the “usual” or “norm.” In addition, I think I have a pretty good handle on what I like and don’t like, so I tend to be resistant to trying anything I don’t think I’ll enjoy. And if I do try something, that resistance almost always results in a cycle of self-fulfilling prophesies. Dee really hates me for this.
2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
I would have to say that visiting the swingers club was surprisingly less interesting than I thought it would be. I think it was a combination of being surrounded by people I didn’t know (I’m not terribly social with friends, let alone others) and, from my perception, the lack of even the barest hints of eroticism. In my head I thought it would be erotic, seductive, arousing… I thought it would feel highly sexual, but for me it was very much the opposite.
3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
Unless I’m buzzed, I typically don’t.
4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
According to her, anytime she touches me, she’s in the mood. By that definition, she’s in the mood about 80% of the time. Often, this is not the most practical of arrangements, as I’m highly ticklish, and being tickled is a turn off for me, so you can imagine the incompatibility issues that sometimes arise.
5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realize was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
There are a lot of opportunities I regret missing out on. From the time I was fifteen or so, right on through college and into my early 20’s, I could seriously flirt/seduce my way into having “a chance” at just about any girl I wanted… but I almost never actually closed the deal. When I look back at my younger days and realize how many girls I could have at least fooled around with, it’s a little depressing. I’m not saying I would want to have sex with them all, but the naiveté I see permeating my youth is sometimes embarrassing. My history is full of examples of this complete lack of… even mild sexual conclusions.
Once when I was sixteen, I had a girl in the back of my car, naked, under me. I was naked, too, and literally pressed up against the entry point. She whispered in my ear “I want you inside me” and I sat back and said “It’s getting late… I should get you home.” …and I took her home.
I demonstrated this – “restraint?” – on numerous occasions in my life, both in high school and college. I’ve never been able to “take that last step” or “close the deal” or whatever you want to call it. If I hadn’t met a couple of girls (most notably Dee) who were willing to do all the heavy lifting, I would never have lost my virginity at all.
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Reason for The Rules
Dee and I know several couples who are currently struggling – their relationships are on shaky ground. Sometimes it’s mostly one party’s fault, but more often than not, both parties are equally to blame (though neither of them acknowledge or accept such a notion). Other couples we know would tell you they’re happily married, and have good relationships, but in many cases, if you get one of them alone (and you can pick either one… both men and women are equally capable of this), you find they spend a lot of time complaining about the other. And when they’re together, they seem to spend a lot of energy sniping at each other.
In each case, there are unique circumstances that contribute to the current state of the relationship, but in paying attention to these couples, both collapsing and “happily” married, I think that, regardless of circumstance, there are a number of things that are almost always true:
1. The longer two people are together, the less likely it is they will actually communicate. If they have kids, they’ll pretty much just talk about the kids. Or they’ll stick to the bills, or what’s on the calendar for tomorrow, or how much their boss sucks. But it’s unlikely they’ll stay up late talking about something new they want from the relationship (sexually or otherwise), or take the time to express appreciation for everyday things the other does, or
2. The worse off the relationship, the more selfish both people will become. And the more they will lie to each other, too.
3. The longer two people are together, the more entwined (interdependent) their lives become. This is obvious, but important, because, from a perceptual point of view, when things are good, this greater the dependence, the more difficult it becomes for one partner to “risk” the other’s respect and love by expressing a changed opinion, sharing a new idea, or revealing a new sexual interest. And when things are bad, this dependence is what keeps people together long after they should have hit the door.
4. Sexually, the longer two people are together, the more likely it is that at least one will want to explore new territory and expand their sexual horizons. As people get older they become more internally self-aware, and more secure in themselves and their bodies, increasing both the likelihood their sexual interests will expand and their willingness to pursue those interests.
5. A lot of people simply accept an acceptable status quo as defining a “good” relationship. But neutral contentment with the "okay" is not really the same as "good."
I read or heard a quote about marriage somewhere (I forget where) that basically said “REAL love is spending thirty years watching someone floss their teeth, treat their zits, and trim their toenails, and still wanting to be with them.” From what I've heard, half the couples in the country don't get anywhere near that thirty-year benchmark before calling it a day, and I sometimes think that a lot of couples who do get there aren't really held together by love, but rather inertia, or habit... #5 on my list, above.
This list is the best reason I can think of for having the rules Dee and I have. The rules aren’t simply about sex, or what’s allowed or not allowed with other people (though those things are covered, too) -- they’re also about those things just listed. They’re about keeping the communication going, making changes to keep things interesting, and making time for date nights. And they’re about making sure we each take a moment (almost) every day to say “I appreciate…”
It's less about keeping to the rules, and more about just making the effort.
In each case, there are unique circumstances that contribute to the current state of the relationship, but in paying attention to these couples, both collapsing and “happily” married, I think that, regardless of circumstance, there are a number of things that are almost always true:
1. The longer two people are together, the less likely it is they will actually communicate. If they have kids, they’ll pretty much just talk about the kids. Or they’ll stick to the bills, or what’s on the calendar for tomorrow, or how much their boss sucks. But it’s unlikely they’ll stay up late talking about something new they want from the relationship (sexually or otherwise), or take the time to express appreciation for everyday things the other does, or
2. The worse off the relationship, the more selfish both people will become. And the more they will lie to each other, too.
3. The longer two people are together, the more entwined (interdependent) their lives become. This is obvious, but important, because, from a perceptual point of view, when things are good, this greater the dependence, the more difficult it becomes for one partner to “risk” the other’s respect and love by expressing a changed opinion, sharing a new idea, or revealing a new sexual interest. And when things are bad, this dependence is what keeps people together long after they should have hit the door.
4. Sexually, the longer two people are together, the more likely it is that at least one will want to explore new territory and expand their sexual horizons. As people get older they become more internally self-aware, and more secure in themselves and their bodies, increasing both the likelihood their sexual interests will expand and their willingness to pursue those interests.
5. A lot of people simply accept an acceptable status quo as defining a “good” relationship. But neutral contentment with the "okay" is not really the same as "good."
I read or heard a quote about marriage somewhere (I forget where) that basically said “REAL love is spending thirty years watching someone floss their teeth, treat their zits, and trim their toenails, and still wanting to be with them.” From what I've heard, half the couples in the country don't get anywhere near that thirty-year benchmark before calling it a day, and I sometimes think that a lot of couples who do get there aren't really held together by love, but rather inertia, or habit... #5 on my list, above.
This list is the best reason I can think of for having the rules Dee and I have. The rules aren’t simply about sex, or what’s allowed or not allowed with other people (though those things are covered, too) -- they’re also about those things just listed. They’re about keeping the communication going, making changes to keep things interesting, and making time for date nights. And they’re about making sure we each take a moment (almost) every day to say “I appreciate…”
It's less about keeping to the rules, and more about just making the effort.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
